Adventures in Los Angeles 2.10 – Tomorrow

December 16, 2007

I’m leaving tomorrow.

I haven’t posted.  I’ve been busy.

I’m going on three hours of sleep.

I think I’ve been drunk for the past week.

I’m both exhausted and pensive at the moment, and though I’m going to do my best… I very well may be sentimental… so fucking deal:

It’s rather rare that I make friends.  I’m not really accustomed to it, as most people I meet often perceive me to be some variation of "too much."  I’ve grown comfortable with this.  Friends, I had decided, were like a Whitman’s sampler… you start with a bunch, and then over time winnow out the less desirable bits: this one being too strong for your liking, this one too sweet.  This one which looks like a caramel, your favorite, but is in fact housing a pool of viscous, coconut pus which causes you to gag.  Nobody likes the coconut ones.  In the end you’re left with only your favorites… you’ve saved them for last, and you savor them… not only for their own particular deliciousness, but also because you realize, when you look into the box, that there are so few left.

I’ve seen so many of my friends diverge from my life.  There was a time when I used to lament that, and  lean back wistfully and pine for a time when alone was a very rare state of being.  But as I’ve gotten older I’ve accepted that it’s a reality of life, like my belly, like thinning hair, that as time goes by… you gradually see your friends fade away.

I’ve got some friends left, and I savor them every day… even if I don’t see them.  I’ve taken solace from those so many yesterdays in the comfort of the truly close, if few, friendships which have lasted. 

Tomorrow I leave LA for home, for my family and my friends and my girlfriend and her dog… and I leave behind a whole new group of friends… complications, every one.  Because I’ve discovered that I really have grown to care about some of the people I’ve come to know here.  They’ve infected me now… and now I’ve got a whole new box to carry.  And as much as I’d like to kill them all for making me actually care about them… it’s a happy burden. 

I’ve made friends with strange and wonderful people here, who get what I’m saying even when I don’t… people who both challenge and support… a person who flails like a puppet when she thinks no one’s watching, a person who taught me to say, "my boyfriend will have a cup of warm piss," in Esperanto, a person who can talk at length about the German, Persian and Greek translations of books I’ve never heard about, but now want to read, a person who makes me dizzy with how she pronounces her vowels.

I have friends… and tomorrow I’ll know how wonderful it will be to miss them.


3 Responses to “Adventures in Los Angeles 2.10 – Tomorrow”

  1. Roxie Says:

    Wow, your approach to this is facinating. Love reading everything, so refreshing honesty.

  2. Meowlin Says:

    “Life… is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for. Unreturnable because all you get back is another box of chocolates. You’re stuck with undefinable whipped-mint crap that you mindlessly wolf down when there’s nothing left to eat. Sure, once in a while there’s a… a peanut butter cup or a… English toffee. But they’re gone too fast, and the taste… fleeting. So you end up with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth-shattering nuts. And if you’re desperate enough to eat those, all you’ve got is a… is an empty box. Filled with useless brown paper wrappers.” – The Cancer Man (The X-Files)
    – \”0

  3. kitsune Says:

    You really do seem intriguing to me. Too bad you didn’t stick with the Shakespeare gig…

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