I’m sitting in a cafe…

April 13, 2009

and at the table across from mine is, perhaps, the most unattractive woman I have ever seen in my life.  She looks like a man.  Now I know what you're thinking – geez, that's kindof a lazy description, isn't it?  Ordinarily, I'd agree.  But here's the thing.  This woman looks like a goddamn man… there's no other way to describe it.  She's got this horribly thick neck… like a can of paint.  Her posture is slouched and casual like a man's.  She's got broad, sloped shoulders, and her biceps are uncomfortably meaty.  Not in that grandma-flab way that affects most women… nor does it look like she works out… she's just full.  Muscular.  Masculine.

Even her expressions are masculine.

She's a dude.  But she isn't.  And that's pissing me off.  Because I have no doubt that this person is a woman… but sweet Christ it looks otherwise.  She's a big, full-bodied paradox.

She kinda looks like Bill O'Reilly.

She just burped.

Really.

I've gotta get the hell out of here.

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