Things I’m noticing in the cafe where I’m supposed to be doing my work but am instead writing this blog about what I’m noticing.

June 30, 2011

1. There’s a surprising number of older men with neurological disorders here. I feel like they should be sitting around a table playing cards, while Christopher Lloyd and Danny DeVito argue in their pajamas.

One of the guys has a bit of a legend around him: He used to be a firefighter, but lost his mind when a friend of his died. Now he wanders around in oxblood loafers and swollen ankles repeating friendly phrases to everyone, “Hey fella, howyadoin howyadoin howyadoin? It’s sure hot out there, hot out there, hot out there, isn’t it? Boy oh boy oh boy.”

I want to hug him, but I’m afraid that if I were to he’d never leave me alone.

I’m a bad person.

2. Across from me is the saddest-looking woman I’ve seen in a while. She’s impeccably dressed – black pantsuit, fancy sharp-collard shirt, makeup that coyly accentuates her looks. She’s siting on a couch, sipping her latte, staring out the window with a falling expression. She looks like she could weep at any minute – but won’t.

3. The guy three tables across from me: I’m jealous of his haircut. I’m jealous of everyone’s haircut. Well, everyone under the age of 35. I saw a seven year old with an awesome haircut yesterday. I wanted to push him over.

4. Two men converse outside. They’re both wearing smacked-ass hats. It dawns on me that I’m too neurotic to purchase a hat. I associate some kind of statement with the wearing of a hat. For nearly everyone else on the planet, it’s just fabric looped about the head. To me, it’s a political statement.

5. I’m stuck in the middle of a paragraph in the real thing I’m trying to write. And so I’m writing this. Why must frivolous sentences flow easily?

6. Punk music is the most uncreative artistic endeavor in history. I’d rather listen to marketing jingles.

7. Everyone here is using a Mac. I’m the embodiment of whiteness right now.

8. A man with a big beard just entered the cafe holding a giant bouquet of flowers. He walked once around the room, sighed, and promptly left.

9. I included an Oxford comma there on purpose.

10. It’s time to get back to work.


One Response to “Things I’m noticing in the cafe where I’m supposed to be doing my work but am instead writing this blog about what I’m noticing.”

  1. JAB Says:

    you just haven’t heard good punk music. btw punk music’s feelings are hurt

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